Getting Answers to Prayers

Ever since I was twelve years old I have had not only a desire, but a need to call on my Heavenly Father in prayer. There were many points of the gospel that I didn’t understand – many things that I was experiencing that didn’t seem to fit – and even more things I needed to resolve, specifically in regards to homosexuality. Because of this, I had a heavy reliance on prayer and on my personal relationship with God.

While serving a mission, I remember having an experience where a companion asked me something along the line of “You always get answers to your prayers, don’t you?” I responded, “Of course. Don’t you?”

His response was odd, “Well, I know the Lord answers prayers, but there are many times when I feel I don’t get an answer.”

In my time since, I have realized that this is a rather common problem for members of the church (in fact, ANY church). The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there were some prayers that seemed like I wasn’t getting answers, but usually the answer was that I was asking the wrong question.

So in an effort to help my companion, I scoured the scriptures in hopes of discovering my pattern, the method I used to find answers to prayers. It wasn’t long before I identified with the brother of Jared in Ether, chapters 2 and 3 of the Book of Mormon– so, if any of you would like to look at a few chapters with me with the goal of getting answers to prayers in mind, I would love to share what has worked for me.

Let’s start in Ether chapter 2. Here, as we know, is where the brother of Jared is commanded to build the barges. The first thing we need to know is that he went and built the barges. I think that is the first step to getting answers to our prayers – we have to have proved to the Lord that we will follow what he tells us when we do get an answer. If the Lord doesn’t think we will do what he says, why would he tell us what to do?

I have a mission experience to illustrate this point. One day my companion and I both received a heavy impression to knock every door of a certain apartment complex. After four hours of straight tracting, missing dinner to do so, and not teaching a single discussion, we were about to leave. We got the prompting again, to knock the doors again. So, we bothered many people twice, and got a few more doors answered from people who weren’t home the first time. Still, not a single teaching appointment. After our second time through the apartment, and almost 6 hours of tracting this ONE apartment complex, we resolved that we were to leave.

On our way home, I asked my companion, “Hey, I’m upset by this. Why would we feel like knocking those doors was so important, only to have no success?”

My companion at the time, who is much wiser than I, answered, “Because the Lord wanted to make sure we were listening, and would obey. These last 6 hours would probably have been a waste anyway, so the Lord used the time to strengthen our ability to listen, so that when he needs us, he will know he can count on us.”

Sure enough, on the way home we passed an oil field, and a small trailer house guarded the entrance. We felt prompted to knock on the door, which looked less like a residence and more like a company vehicle. It turned out than an inactive member lived there with her husband. They were away from their own home on business with the oil company. It wasn’t long before they were reactivated, and asking us whether they could get General Conference on their satellite:

“And it came to pass that the brother of Jared cried unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, I have performed the work which thou hast commanded me, and I have made the barges according as thou hast directed me” (Ether 2:18).

Step one: When you get an answer, prove to the Lord you are worthy of getting the next one.

In verse 19, the brother of Jared asks the Lord two questions: “And behold, O Lord, in them there is no light; whither shall we steer? And also we shall perish, for in them we cannot breathe, save it is the air which is in them; therefore we shall perish.”

And in verse 20, the Lord answers one of them: “Behold, thou shalt make a hole in the top, and also in the bottom; and when thou shalt suffer for air thou shalt unstop the hole and receive air. And if it be so that the water come in upon thee, behold, ye shall stop the hole, that ye may not perish in the flood.”

Sometimes this is how the Lord answers our prayers, by simply providing us with the solution. I think, however, this is the rarest type of answer, and will usually only happen when we are unable to come up with a solution ourselves.

Step two: Recognize that while the Lord can and sometimes does give us the answer directly, this is usually going to be a rare occurrence.

Let’s note that in verse 21, the brother of Jared does what the Lord commands, which leads us back to step one.

But the Jadedites still had a problem. Would the Lord really suffer them to cross the waters in the dark? This is the exact question that the brother of Jared returns and proposes to the Lord, and I absolutely LOVE the Lord’s answer. From verse 23: “What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels?”

What a fantastic opportunity the Lord has given the brother of Jared (and how often does He give it to us?). How often do we interpret the Lord asking us “What do you think?” as not getting an answer?

In my mind, the rest of the verse isn’t exactly a quote from the Lord, but more like banter between God and the brother of Jared:

Brother of Jared – “Can I have windows?”
Lord – “Are you kidding me? They’ll get smashed!”
Brother of Jared – “Can I have fire?”
Lord – “Only if you want to kill yourself. (And in verse 24) You do realize you’ll be buried in the depths of the sea and with the wind and everything I’m going to have to provide to take you to the Promised Land, there are going to be giant waves that are going to make the ride a bit bumpy, right? (Verse 25) So, with these things in mind, what other ideas do you have?”

Step three: Recognize that more often than not, the Lord will expect you to bring Him an answer to see if it is the right one, not the question for Him to answer directly.

I think it is also interesting to note that the questions the brother of Jared would have brought the Lord at this point were yes/no questions “Can we have windows?” “Can we have fire?” I think there is a reason for this: I think yes/no questions are the easiest ones to get answered. If you feel the spirit confirm to you that your solution is correct, then the answer is yes. If you don’t, then no. It doesn’t get much easier than that.

Step Four: If you doubt your ability to receive a complex answer, or the Lord isn’t answering something that is complex, rephrase the question so that the answer is a simple yes or no.

Now, on to chapter three.

We’ve all read the story, so we know what happens. The brother of Jared does something I doubt many people would have thought of; in fact, I have to wonder if his solution wasn’t somewhat inspired. This man goes to the side of the freakin’ mountain, and carves out sixteen clear stones.

What is interesting about this? First, the brother of Jared is obviously a good craftsman. He uses his talents to resolve the problem, even if it is a little “unconventional.”

With his creative solution in hand, the brother of Jared takes his thoughts to the Lord. Let’s read those scriptures, because they are so incredibly amazing:

“2 O Lord, thou hast said that we must be encompassed about by the floods. Now behold, O Lord, and do not be aangry with thy servant because of his weakness before thee; for we know that thou art holy and dwellest in the heavens, and that we are bunworthy before thee; because of the cfall our dnatures have become evil continually; nevertheless, O Lord, thou hast given us a commandment that we must call upon thee, that from thee we may receive according to our desires.
3 Behold, O Lord, thou hast smitten us because of our iniquity, and hast driven us forth, and for these many years we have been in the wilderness; nevertheless, thou hast been amerciful unto us. O Lord, look upon me in pity, and turn away thine anger from this thy people, and suffer not that they shall go forth across this raging deep in darkness; but behold these bthings which I have molten out of the rock.
4 And I know, O Lord, that thou hast all apower, and can do whatsoever thou wilt for the benefit of man; therefore touch these stones, O Lord, with thy bfinger, and prepare them that they may shine forth in darkness; and they shall shine forth unto us in the vessels which we have prepared, that we may have clight while we shall cross the sea.
5 Behold, O Lord, thou canst do this. We know that thou art able to show forth great power, which alooks small unto the understanding of men.”

I love how humble these scriptures are. I love the brother of Jared’s faith.

As a reward, not only does the brother of Jared see the finger of God, but later has a vision in which he sees the coming Christ – thousands of years before his birth.

Step five: Use your talents, and be creative as you seek answers. Think outside of the box. Your faith in the Lord will be rewarded as you seek Him, even if that means seeking him in what other people would term "unconventional ways."

It is my hope that no matter where we are in our journey in life, that we will cultivate the kind of relationship with our Heavenly Father that is as strong as the relationship between earthly fathers and children. The only way we can know Him intimately is through conversing with Him.

May we all take a little extra time to listen – because He has some amazing things to tell us.

Folk Dancing Made Me Gay

My first year in college I was on the institute’s folk dance team at Weber State University. Last night while lying in bed, for some unknown reason, I recalled visions of my last performance before leaving for my mission. Those were some strange times – the moving out of my house and for the first time living on my own in the dorms, the figuring out who I was and what my attractions meant, the first time I got hit on by another guy, the costume changes in the locker room during that last performance.

But then I thought of something jolted me out of my almost sleep. I was recalling all of the people I had met, trying to remember the names and the faces, when suddenly I remembered two individuals – one whose name was Josh, whose face I can’t remember, and another whose name I can’t recall but whose face is rather vivid. While lying in bed I remembered a moment in the locker room where these two men smiled at me while we were all changing, and told me that I did a good job.

They were seniors, and I was a freshman. This compliment, given while in nothing but our garments, meant a lot to me, and I had almost totally forgotten about it.

But what woke me up was that in that dream-like state I connected that compliment to something my counselor said to me while I was in a reparative therapy program – that as gay men we seek approval from other men, and that if we form strong friendships and get that approval in “non-sexual ways” we could control our attractions to the point of sending them into oblivion, or at the very least, learn how to manage them.

And I wondered if there was some truth to that, recalling how I felt when these two men complimented me.

I was awake for the next little while thinking about that, and I’ve come to the following conclusion: Yes, we as gay men DO seek the approval of other men, but I don’t think that lack of approval from men is a cause of being gay, but rather as gay men we just seek such approval more voraciously.

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.

Sometimes I think the church, counselors, and others like to put the “causes of homosexuality” into a little box. How many times have we heard that homosexuality is caused by an overbearing mother, a distant father, and the inability to connect with other men - or an inferiority complex when it comes to “manly things” at puberty, or an unnatural desire to be a different kind of man than we are, which then leads to sexualization of those characteristics. How about the inability to make male friends? Blah blah blah.

I guess I fit into some of that mold. My mother is and has always been rather strict. My dad was in the military when I was young and was constantly away. My mom did a good job of keeping us entertained so we wouldn’t miss him though. Still, I always knew he loved me, and we spent some quality time together.

But I never had any trouble making male friends. I had four very close male friends all through junior high and high school, and many others who weren’t as close. I never lacked male companionship, and had all the usual “boy” experiences (the friend who found his dads porn stash, the friend who was into hardcore sports, the friend who had an amazing testimony of the church, and the best friend who has always been right by my side). I was into “boy” things, starting with Link-in logs and tinker toys, moving on to robotics, engineering, science, math. I never dealt with a lack of approval from my male friends.

So why did the approval of these two senior dancers mean so much to me?

Let me summarize: They were two senior men, rather attractive, in their underwear, complimenting the little freshman gay boy. Is it really hard to understand?

All men like to be recognized by beautiful people. I’m sure if a beautiful woman in a bikini complimented a straight guy no one would analyze why that compliment meant something to him, so why should gay men get preoccupied or feel badly about being happy when another good–looking man builds our self-esteem?

I’m not sure if this midnight epiphany means much other than to remind me of how I’m still conditioned to think like a good little LDS boy in therapy, but I’m glad I was able to think my way through this one, and come to a conclusion other than “my therapist was right, I’m gay because I seek out the approval of other men.” In fact, I appreciate the approval of other men because I’m gay, just like a straight person would appreciate the approval of members of the opposite sex because they are straight.

So pretty much I stayed awake for nothing...

The DOMA repeal

Can I just say that when I first read this breaking story, I thought it was a joke.

I cannot tell you all how elated I am to discover it wasn't.

And I’m having WAY too much fun on the KSL.com comment boards ;)