It’s a good thing that I don’t have an issue admitting when I’m wrong. Ok… maybe I do, but I’m pretty good at doing it anyway.
I was wrong about (Gay) Mormon Guy.
I recognize that I don’t like it when members of the church who have no understanding about homosexuality (and are only looking for excuses to hold their own unfounded bigotries) use members of our own community against us – and so it was during all the General Conference hullabaloo. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that part of my recoil against (Gay) Mormon Guy was because I was told multiple times about how “he” was doing it right and “I” was doing it wrong [insert end of discussion here].
As confident as I am about the path I am on, and even as confident as I am with my relationship with Heavenly Father, sometimes even I need validation, and sometimes I don’t understand why members of the church don’t pray about this issue for each individual gay person they meet. I don’t understand why their love and compassion is reserved only for those who put on a façade of heterosexuality.
But I should have known better. I should have supported GMG in his path, wherever he is on his journey, in whatever the Lord has told him to do and to be.
I allowed the fact that he allows members of the church to use his posts as ammunition against the gay community in general to sour my attitude against him, but after considering his position, the comments I’ve received since my original post, and the fact that he, himself, was courageous enough to confront me directly (and prove me wrong by posting an email address), I don’t think this is his intent.
Perhaps the moho world should hold him accountable regardless of his intent, but I would rather hold accountable the members who misjudge the rest of us.
GMG: regardless of whether or not you consider yourself part of our community, you are. May we reach out a hand of love, support, compassion, and strength to you.
Showing posts with label (gay) mormon guy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label (gay) mormon guy. Show all posts
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
(Gay) Mormon Guy
There is a blogger causing quite a stir among the MoHo world. Actually, his influence has spread to Facebook groups, other posts, and even the LDS.net forums. He goes by the alias (Gay) Mormon Guy, and his blog is here.
I had to take some time to respond to this because I had to take some time and read this guy's blog. There is some talk among the other bloggers regarding the authenticity of his experiences, his blog posts, and even him as a real live person. I think most of these questions arise from the blog’s obvious nods to Evergreen and NARTH’s methodology; this guy could literally be their case study! He claims to believe his homosexuality is caused by his absent father and overbearing mother, compounded by sexual abuse, etc.
Most of the gay LDS bloggers are known to each other. We send emails of love and support (or sometimes not so much love and support, ha!), we communicate and discuss. We talk about our high times and our low times, and we cry with each other and rejoice with each other.
(Gay) Mormon Guy is unknown to the community of faithful (or otherwise) LDS online bloggers, and his posts are less than genuine. His posts actually remind me of reading my reparative therapy literature, which makes me wonder if he isn’t, perhaps, actually a straight LDS counselor who subscribes to Evergreen or NARTH.
But assuming he is a real genuine person (and I’ll give him that benefit of the doubt), his approach to his blog isn’t my issue with him. What really bothers me that he insists on complete anonymity – something that, to me, outlines the entire problem the issue of homosexuality within the church: people are afraid to speak out and be known.
How many young men is (Gay) Mormon Guy really helping by staying private? How is a young 12 to 14 year old boy who is afraid to even type the words “gay Mormon" into his web browser - out of fear that his parents might see it in the internet history - supposed to even read his blog? How can these young men seek him out for help if he won’t provide contact information? How are his church leaders supposed to point to him as a resource and example when someone asks them about homosexuality if he isn’t even honest with his own priesthood leaders about what he faces?
His blog also doesn’t confront the negative feelings he has, and he shares no personal experiences for fear that he’ll be identified. He tows a great church line – which I think is fantastic for him– but he never posts anything honest, anything real, anything about the darkness of his trials and what he did personally to identify the light. He doesn’t give any information about how he deals with his temptations, only generalizations like “I turned to the Lord.”
I think this guy is a coward. Sure, it’s hard to be open and honest and continue to live a life within the church with everyone staring at you and knowing your secret… but HIDING this issue only compounds it. Men who hide this from their leaders, their friends, and the other people in their life are the ones who can be found posting ads for “discreet” hookups.
The real heroes are here, here, here, and here (among others): men and women who are clinging to the gospel while not being afraid to tell the world their darkest moments, their doubts, their fears; who are not afraid to sit on panels at firesides, or talk in their wards. These men and women are not afraid to be known, to be contacted, to be feared, or to be loved; kudos to them, not (Gay) Mormon Guy.
To (Gay) Mormon Guy: I have added numerous links in the hopes that you will notice traffic from this blog to yours so that you will read this post, and gain the courage to really be a help and an example. The young men in your ward, your stake, and your church need you to be tangible - someone they can get to know and trust. Please stop hiding amoung your own shadow, because you can't help someone find the light if you are in the dark, can't help them be honest if you aren't, and can't expect your leaders to trust you if you can't trust them. I know you heavily censor your own comments, but you can't do so here. I sincerly hope you respond to this major concern - one shared by so many other bloggers who have had to face this issue, both still in the church and out of it.
And may the Lord continue to bless you with the strength to do whatever He tells you right for you.
I had to take some time to respond to this because I had to take some time and read this guy's blog. There is some talk among the other bloggers regarding the authenticity of his experiences, his blog posts, and even him as a real live person. I think most of these questions arise from the blog’s obvious nods to Evergreen and NARTH’s methodology; this guy could literally be their case study! He claims to believe his homosexuality is caused by his absent father and overbearing mother, compounded by sexual abuse, etc.
Most of the gay LDS bloggers are known to each other. We send emails of love and support (or sometimes not so much love and support, ha!), we communicate and discuss. We talk about our high times and our low times, and we cry with each other and rejoice with each other.
(Gay) Mormon Guy is unknown to the community of faithful (or otherwise) LDS online bloggers, and his posts are less than genuine. His posts actually remind me of reading my reparative therapy literature, which makes me wonder if he isn’t, perhaps, actually a straight LDS counselor who subscribes to Evergreen or NARTH.
But assuming he is a real genuine person (and I’ll give him that benefit of the doubt), his approach to his blog isn’t my issue with him. What really bothers me that he insists on complete anonymity – something that, to me, outlines the entire problem the issue of homosexuality within the church: people are afraid to speak out and be known.
How many young men is (Gay) Mormon Guy really helping by staying private? How is a young 12 to 14 year old boy who is afraid to even type the words “gay Mormon" into his web browser - out of fear that his parents might see it in the internet history - supposed to even read his blog? How can these young men seek him out for help if he won’t provide contact information? How are his church leaders supposed to point to him as a resource and example when someone asks them about homosexuality if he isn’t even honest with his own priesthood leaders about what he faces?
His blog also doesn’t confront the negative feelings he has, and he shares no personal experiences for fear that he’ll be identified. He tows a great church line – which I think is fantastic for him– but he never posts anything honest, anything real, anything about the darkness of his trials and what he did personally to identify the light. He doesn’t give any information about how he deals with his temptations, only generalizations like “I turned to the Lord.”
I think this guy is a coward. Sure, it’s hard to be open and honest and continue to live a life within the church with everyone staring at you and knowing your secret… but HIDING this issue only compounds it. Men who hide this from their leaders, their friends, and the other people in their life are the ones who can be found posting ads for “discreet” hookups.
The real heroes are here, here, here, and here (among others): men and women who are clinging to the gospel while not being afraid to tell the world their darkest moments, their doubts, their fears; who are not afraid to sit on panels at firesides, or talk in their wards. These men and women are not afraid to be known, to be contacted, to be feared, or to be loved; kudos to them, not (Gay) Mormon Guy.
To (Gay) Mormon Guy: I have added numerous links in the hopes that you will notice traffic from this blog to yours so that you will read this post, and gain the courage to really be a help and an example. The young men in your ward, your stake, and your church need you to be tangible - someone they can get to know and trust. Please stop hiding amoung your own shadow, because you can't help someone find the light if you are in the dark, can't help them be honest if you aren't, and can't expect your leaders to trust you if you can't trust them. I know you heavily censor your own comments, but you can't do so here. I sincerly hope you respond to this major concern - one shared by so many other bloggers who have had to face this issue, both still in the church and out of it.
And may the Lord continue to bless you with the strength to do whatever He tells you right for you.
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