There is a blogger causing quite a stir among the MoHo world. Actually, his influence has spread to Facebook groups, other posts, and even the LDS.net forums. He goes by the alias (Gay) Mormon Guy, and his blog is here.
I had to take some time to respond to this because I had to take some time and read this guy's blog. There is some talk among the other bloggers regarding the authenticity of his experiences, his blog posts, and even him as a real live person. I think most of these questions arise from the blog’s obvious nods to Evergreen and NARTH’s methodology; this guy could literally be their case study! He claims to believe his homosexuality is caused by his absent father and overbearing mother, compounded by sexual abuse, etc.
Most of the gay LDS bloggers are known to each other. We send emails of love and support (or sometimes not so much love and support, ha!), we communicate and discuss. We talk about our high times and our low times, and we cry with each other and rejoice with each other.
(Gay) Mormon Guy is unknown to the community of faithful (or otherwise) LDS online bloggers, and his posts are less than genuine. His posts actually remind me of reading my reparative therapy literature, which makes me wonder if he isn’t, perhaps, actually a straight LDS counselor who subscribes to Evergreen or NARTH.
But assuming he is a real genuine person (and I’ll give him that benefit of the doubt), his approach to his blog isn’t my issue with him. What really bothers me that he insists on complete anonymity – something that, to me, outlines the entire problem the issue of homosexuality within the church: people are afraid to speak out and be known.
How many young men is (Gay) Mormon Guy really helping by staying private? How is a young 12 to 14 year old boy who is afraid to even type the words “gay Mormon" into his web browser - out of fear that his parents might see it in the internet history - supposed to even read his blog? How can these young men seek him out for help if he won’t provide contact information? How are his church leaders supposed to point to him as a resource and example when someone asks them about homosexuality if he isn’t even honest with his own priesthood leaders about what he faces?
His blog also doesn’t confront the negative feelings he has, and he shares no personal experiences for fear that he’ll be identified. He tows a great church line – which I think is fantastic for him– but he never posts anything honest, anything real, anything about the darkness of his trials and what he did personally to identify the light. He doesn’t give any information about how he deals with his temptations, only generalizations like “I turned to the Lord.”
I think this guy is a coward. Sure, it’s hard to be open and honest and continue to live a life within the church with everyone staring at you and knowing your secret… but HIDING this issue only compounds it. Men who hide this from their leaders, their friends, and the other people in their life are the ones who can be found posting ads for “discreet” hookups.
The real heroes are here, here, here, and here (among others): men and women who are clinging to the gospel while not being afraid to tell the world their darkest moments, their doubts, their fears; who are not afraid to sit on panels at firesides, or talk in their wards. These men and women are not afraid to be known, to be contacted, to be feared, or to be loved; kudos to them, not (Gay) Mormon Guy.
To (Gay) Mormon Guy: I have added numerous links in the hopes that you will notice traffic from this blog to yours so that you will read this post, and gain the courage to really be a help and an example. The young men in your ward, your stake, and your church need you to be tangible - someone they can get to know and trust. Please stop hiding amoung your own shadow, because you can't help someone find the light if you are in the dark, can't help them be honest if you aren't, and can't expect your leaders to trust you if you can't trust them. I know you heavily censor your own comments, but you can't do so here. I sincerly hope you respond to this major concern - one shared by so many other bloggers who have had to face this issue, both still in the church and out of it.
And may the Lord continue to bless you with the strength to do whatever He tells you right for you.
Showing posts with label overcome homosexuality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label overcome homosexuality. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The Secret
I know it has been a while since I’ve posted. I think that is because after my excommunication, it has taken me a while to get into the mindset of feeling like I want to continue opening up and sharing. Today I’m going to go a little backwards, and give you what I believe to be the secret to staying in the church as a gay Mormon. Hopefully this will help bishops, councilors, and etc. up the chain know how to handle people who might approach them with this situation.
It is just too bad I had to leave the church to realize it. The thing I’m not to sad about, however, is the fact that I met my amazing partner – and now I can’t/won’t leave him.
So here it is: You are a gay Mormon. These are two very real and very large parts of your life. They might not seem like they go together at first – but trust me – they can.
If you are still in the church, then you have embraced, fully, your Mormon side. Good for you. You don’t have to let that go, but you do need to embrace your gay side. You can’t just starve it away. It never dies.
Instead, you need to accept it, recognize it, and love it. This doesn’t mean you have to go out and act on your desires, but instead, means you should prepare yourself for full disclosure. To survive in a family oriented church, with or without a family of your own, is going to require that friends, family, church leaders, ward members, everyone knows that you, in fact, are gay. There will be plenty who won’t understand, perhaps some that will shun you, but there will be more who will appreciate your strength in remaining faithful to the gospel.
You are always accompanied in the room by a giant pink elephant. You can’t and shouldn’t hide it. Doing so just makes it worse. Parade that damn elephant around – because there is nothing wrong with a giant pink elephant.
The gay community has a word for this: pride. You should have it for both your gay side, and your Mormon side. I do (and my partner sometimes doesn’t understand it), even though I’m no longer a member of the church.
Coming out is an important psychological step for all gay youth. Just because you are religious, that doesn’t mean you get to avoid this step! You have to do it. It is not fair to yourself to not. You can be an out-and-celibate, or an out-and-married Mormon. This is the only way your relationships with members of the opposite sex can work. This is the only way your relationship to a church who doesn’t understand you can work. You must make this topic less taboo. You must talk about it. The amount of strength that will be required to live such a life will be a redirection of the strength you are currently focusing on you homosexuality. That’s right – avoiding the pink elephant is feeding it. You cannot “white-knuckle” it forever. There is no amount of strength on the planet or in the heavens for that (this is a rephrased quote from my LDS counselor). That energy must be refocused.
If all goes well you will have accepting and loving ward members, leadership, and neighborhoods, and hopefully change a few minds regarding the struggles of same gender attraction along the way. You can finally be a complete person, by embracing all of the goodness in your person – you can even help your sister color-coordinate her wardrobe. Trust me, you’ll be doing everyone a favor =)
It is just too bad I had to leave the church to realize it. The thing I’m not to sad about, however, is the fact that I met my amazing partner – and now I can’t/won’t leave him.
So here it is: You are a gay Mormon. These are two very real and very large parts of your life. They might not seem like they go together at first – but trust me – they can.
If you are still in the church, then you have embraced, fully, your Mormon side. Good for you. You don’t have to let that go, but you do need to embrace your gay side. You can’t just starve it away. It never dies.
Instead, you need to accept it, recognize it, and love it. This doesn’t mean you have to go out and act on your desires, but instead, means you should prepare yourself for full disclosure. To survive in a family oriented church, with or without a family of your own, is going to require that friends, family, church leaders, ward members, everyone knows that you, in fact, are gay. There will be plenty who won’t understand, perhaps some that will shun you, but there will be more who will appreciate your strength in remaining faithful to the gospel.
You are always accompanied in the room by a giant pink elephant. You can’t and shouldn’t hide it. Doing so just makes it worse. Parade that damn elephant around – because there is nothing wrong with a giant pink elephant.
The gay community has a word for this: pride. You should have it for both your gay side, and your Mormon side. I do (and my partner sometimes doesn’t understand it), even though I’m no longer a member of the church.
Coming out is an important psychological step for all gay youth. Just because you are religious, that doesn’t mean you get to avoid this step! You have to do it. It is not fair to yourself to not. You can be an out-and-celibate, or an out-and-married Mormon. This is the only way your relationships with members of the opposite sex can work. This is the only way your relationship to a church who doesn’t understand you can work. You must make this topic less taboo. You must talk about it. The amount of strength that will be required to live such a life will be a redirection of the strength you are currently focusing on you homosexuality. That’s right – avoiding the pink elephant is feeding it. You cannot “white-knuckle” it forever. There is no amount of strength on the planet or in the heavens for that (this is a rephrased quote from my LDS counselor). That energy must be refocused.
If all goes well you will have accepting and loving ward members, leadership, and neighborhoods, and hopefully change a few minds regarding the struggles of same gender attraction along the way. You can finally be a complete person, by embracing all of the goodness in your person – you can even help your sister color-coordinate her wardrobe. Trust me, you’ll be doing everyone a favor =)
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