Wednesday, October 20, 2010

(Gay) Mormon Guy

There is a blogger causing quite a stir among the MoHo world. Actually, his influence has spread to Facebook groups, other posts, and even the forums. He goes by the alias (Gay) Mormon Guy, and his blog is here.

I had to take some time to respond to this because I had to take some time and read this guy's blog. There is some talk among the other bloggers regarding the authenticity of his experiences, his blog posts, and even him as a real live person. I think most of these questions arise from the blog’s obvious nods to Evergreen and NARTH’s methodology; this guy could literally be their case study! He claims to believe his homosexuality is caused by his absent father and overbearing mother, compounded by sexual abuse, etc.

Most of the gay LDS bloggers are known to each other. We send emails of love and support (or sometimes not so much love and support, ha!), we communicate and discuss. We talk about our high times and our low times, and we cry with each other and rejoice with each other.

(Gay) Mormon Guy is unknown to the community of faithful (or otherwise) LDS online bloggers, and his posts are less than genuine. His posts actually remind me of reading my reparative therapy literature, which makes me wonder if he isn’t, perhaps, actually a straight LDS counselor who subscribes to Evergreen or NARTH.

But assuming he is a real genuine person (and I’ll give him that benefit of the doubt), his approach to his blog isn’t my issue with him. What really bothers me that he insists on complete anonymity – something that, to me, outlines the entire problem the issue of homosexuality within the church: people are afraid to speak out and be known.

How many young men is (Gay) Mormon Guy really helping by staying private? How is a young 12 to 14 year old boy who is afraid to even type the words “gay Mormon" into his web browser - out of fear that his parents might see it in the internet history - supposed to even read his blog? How can these young men seek him out for help if he won’t provide contact information? How are his church leaders supposed to point to him as a resource and example when someone asks them about homosexuality if he isn’t even honest with his own priesthood leaders about what he faces?

His blog also doesn’t confront the negative feelings he has, and he shares no personal experiences for fear that he’ll be identified. He tows a great church line – which I think is fantastic for him– but he never posts anything honest, anything real, anything about the darkness of his trials and what he did personally to identify the light. He doesn’t give any information about how he deals with his temptations, only generalizations like “I turned to the Lord.”

I think this guy is a coward. Sure, it’s hard to be open and honest and continue to live a life within the church with everyone staring at you and knowing your secret… but HIDING this issue only compounds it. Men who hide this from their leaders, their friends, and the other people in their life are the ones who can be found posting ads for “discreet” hookups.

The real heroes are here, here, here, and here (among others): men and women who are clinging to the gospel while not being afraid to tell the world their darkest moments, their doubts, their fears; who are not afraid to sit on panels at firesides, or talk in their wards. These men and women are not afraid to be known, to be contacted, to be feared, or to be loved; kudos to them, not (Gay) Mormon Guy.

To (Gay) Mormon Guy: I have added numerous links in the hopes that you will notice traffic from this blog to yours so that you will read this post, and gain the courage to really be a help and an example.  The young men in your ward, your stake, and your church need you to be tangible - someone they can get to know and trust.  Please stop hiding amoung your own shadow, because you can't help someone find the light if you are in the dark, can't help them be honest if you aren't, and can't expect your leaders to trust you if you can't trust them.  I know you heavily censor your own comments, but you can't do so here.  I sincerly hope you respond to this major concern - one shared by so many other bloggers who have had to face this issue, both still in the church and out of it.

And may the Lord continue to bless you with the strength to do whatever He tells you right for you.


Unknown said...

Im really.... hurt (is that the term I want to use?) that would would call GMB a coward for not being out online.

I posted for a full year with no way to find out who I truly was. Now I blog under my real first name, but thats where my path has lead me.

So he doesn't want to be our online friend, or have links to his true identity. SO WHAT?!

Is he a fake? Who knows? To try to out him or make him out himself, is a form of bullying, and I don't like it.

I have many moho friends who would never want anyone to know about them, and that does not make them a coward.

Gay Saint said...

I have to admit that this blog post was a little harsh, but I'm leaving it in tact because it was the best way to describe the way I was (and still am) feeling.

I admit this comes from a very personal place, however.

When I was 12, 13, 14, etc. I looked for people like GMG. I wanted them to simply EXIST. During this time I was told people like him existed, but still had no one to talk to, no way to find them, no way to use them as a resource.

But had I found him, had I read his blog, and had I STILL not been able to contact him or use him as a resource, that would have even been worse. It would have reaffirmed to me that I needed to keep quite about how I was feeling - that I needed to be anonymous.

I realize that stepping stones are required in this process, and that GMG is a place where he isn't quite capable of meeing his stated purpose of reaching out and helping others. I agree that that is ok. It's just very very frustrating to my past 14 year old self.

I don't expect him to give us a name, but an email address would be nice, even if it is one set up specifically for this purpose with no identifying information... something where he can respond to the REAL questions he won't address on his blog; something so that the 14 year old boys who really need to hear from him have a way to reach out.

But I understand that I'm projecting my own personal hurt onto GMG, but that doesn't make my feelings any less valid.

alex dumas said...

I agree he sounds a little too good to be true. It makes me a bit suspicious, and this is the first I've read against him.

David said...

Thanks for your post. ... And know that the reason why I started (Gay) Mormon Guy was for my own 12-year-old self. Dozens of people have contacted me through the comment forms on my blog and asked for help; I guess I didn't realize that wasn't okay to have as the only form of contact. I already have an email address that I use only for this blog, so I guess I can post an about me section and include it.

But that also brings me to a quandary... I'm not an official representative of the Church. I'm not a Psychological counselor or even anything - right now I'm even between callings. I feel your pain and frustration in not being able to meet the needs of the youth who need help... and this blog is the best I can do alone. I can write and try to be the
most uplifting possible... And then pray for the ability to touch more people. I become famous and a hundred thousand people read my blog... And hidden among the comments are stories and personal letters from 14-year-old young men who somehow found someone to talk to.

Thanks again for the post - I hope that it helps me find a way to reach the people I've been trying to reach all along.

Mormon Guy -